Let's Get Real...

So I used to try to include posts from time to time about not just my kids, but about life as a mom as well. I am constantly challenged by this role and am never sure how to express my exact thoughts. I have those moments where I just want to lay down and sleep because I am tired or I just want to walk outside and scream at the top of my lungs, but I am then reminded of the gift I have been given in these two girls. We walk a fine line as moms. On the one hand, we want to be real...I mean this mom stuff is hard work! I find myself wanting to vent which can often take the form of complaining...something I am constantly reminding Carrie to not do. I will quote the verse "Do everything without complaining or arguing" and then I am immediately convicted because I often do not practice this good habit myself. So while I want to be real and say it straight, I want to make sure I am never losing that tone of gratitude. Because despite the meltdowns and the complaints and the random middle of the night wake up calls, I am grateful. But I also do not want to be one of those people that always pretends things are perfect and jovial when really, I am worn down and tired, out of patience and feeling low on love sometimes. So what is the perfect balance? We are not going to be perfect so pretending is no use and so then out comes the griping. That's when I am reminded that this life is not supposed to be easy for us...as Christians, we are told it is going to be hard! In fact, if it is easy, we aren't living it right. The reason we are so tired as moms all the time is because we care so much. We want to be able to be these "perfect" moms showing our children right from wrong and then time and time again, they screw up, we screw up and we grow weary and discouraged. But instead of throwing myself a pity party, these are the times I really need to turn to the Lord, fall to my knees and cry out for His help because moms, we cannot do this alone! And He didn't intend for us to. God wants us in that desperate place where we know we need Him, where we know we cannot do this the way we want without His help. And let me say, I have been in a desperate place many times in my life, but none more so than the past 3 1/2 years I have spent being a mom. Right when I feel like I am in a good place and start to praise myself for all my work paying off, God puts me right back in that place where I realize this is not about me or anything I do or don't do and all about Him. And that I need Him desperately and without Him, this mom thing doesn't mean a thing. We are here to be His disciples and there is no better opportunity to do that than in our own home and part of that is your kids seeing you down on your knees crying out to the Lord sometimes just like Jesus' disciples saw Him fall to His knees and cry out to God. Jesus lived the perfect life and even He knew He needed His father to help him walk it. So my challenge to myself right now is that when the hard days hit, instead of showing frustration towards my kids or crying whoa is me, I cry "Abba, Father" and tell Him I know I need Him and I can't do it without Him. I am pretty sure that is the balance I have been looking for between being gracious, but real while keeping the negativity to a minimum. Remind me of this next time you see me complaining :).