THE young FAMILY

This has not been a good blogging month for me. It just has not been a month for pictures really or any exciting events. We have also had a lot of bitter cold days and even lots of snow to keep us from really getting out. And then on top of that, last week Carrie got her first fever. It was no fun. She woke up last Sunday night in the middle of the night which she never does so I went in there and picked her up and she was burning up. I took her temperature and it was 101.2. She was coughing a lot and getting congested and would not go back to sleep. We tried everything from putting her in our bed to Graham sleeping on her floor or me sleeping in the rocking chair and nothing worked. We were basically up from 2:30 on. The next morning her cough had gotten worse so I took her to the doctor and right when he walked in and heard her barking cough, he knew she had the croup. The croup is no good because they can't give them antibiotics for it and the kids feel terrible. He did give her a steroid shot to open up her throat which did help, but I have never seen Carrie feel as bad as she did. Everything was a crisis and a meltdown. Her nose ran nonstop, she coughed a lot, she didn't eat a bite and she did not want me to put her down. It was a really long week. I felt so bad for her, but was so frustrated that there was nothing I could really do for her. I also began to feel sorry for myself. After a few days of it, I was just worn out. I figured out that what is interesting about being a mom is that all of the fun stuff you thought about is way more fun than you could have ever imagined, but at the same time, all of the hard stuff is so much harder than you could ever have imagined. It was easy to feel bad for the mom in Target whose kid was throwing a fit, but it is hard to be her. It was such a sweet vision to imagine yourself rocking your child in the middle of the night for hours, but after a couple nights of that, it is tiring to actually do so. It was fun to imagine taking your child to the park with your husband on a pretty day, but seeing them explore their world and smile and giggle as they do it is so much more amazing than you could have ever known it would be. And sitting down to play with toys on a Saturday morning with everyone in their pajamas sounded so sweet, but being in that moment watching your child's eyes the first time they put all the puzzle pieces in the right place for the first time is a prouder feeling than you ever could have realized it would be. I am amazed at the wonderful gift Carrie is. Everyday I thank God for her and I cannot imagine my life without her. But I am also the first to admit that being a mom is not easy. There are days that I want to beat my head against the wall or go outside and scream at the top of my lungs. But then there are the moments right after that when I sit down with Carrie and she laughs at a face I make or claps for herself after accomplishing something and I think "what in the world did I do to deserve this precious gift?" That is how I felt this morning. After a week of cabin fever, runny noses and melt downs, meals prepared and then thrown on the floor and even a few tears of my own, I had one of those mornings with Carrie that make me so thankful to be living this life and experiencing these moments. Sometimes we need those trying times to really make us appreciate the good times.