Oh What A Week...

I always promised myself I would not sugarcoat this blog. I would be honest and say all the wonderful things about being a mom, but also all the struggles. So this week has been a full on struggle. I need to remember how I handled it exactly so that if, God forbid, I have something similar with Hayes, I can reference this. So last Wednesday night Carrie woke up screaming crying at 1:30 am. She NEVER wakes up so when she does, I assume something bad. Graham went in and checked on her and rocked her back to sleep and we assumed maybe it was just a nightmare. Well then we were awakened again at 3:30 to her screaming. I went in at this point and tried to get her back to sleep, but she was not having it. After I left and we listened to her cry for a long period of time, Graham went and slept in her rocking chair. I am pretty sure if she ever did go back to sleep, it was for maybe 30 minutes. Well on Thursday, she napped great and I assumed whatever had frightened her the night before was behind us, but I was wrong. When I left her room Thursday night, she sobbed. I let her cry for a while, but after a while, Graham had to go in and rub her back until she went to sleep. I think this was around 10. She was still up at 7 Friday, but that was fine. She napped well Friday and even Friday night I put her down and left her room at 8:15 and she was asleep by 8:30. I thought we were in the clear. She napped great Saturday and against my better judgement, I decided to proceed with our plans to go out Saturday night and left her with a sitter. Well apparently her fear was centered around a need for our security at this time. So literally she would not fall asleep for the sitter and when we got home at 10:30, it took me until midnight to get her asleep. I am pretty sure that when I got in bed, I threw my phone and my monitor and cried and cursed myself for going out. Graham was a little freaked out. I am not sure I have ever acted that way. But it had been 4 days of work and for no good end and I was tired. SO. TIRED. oh and I was 31 weeks pregnant too. She slept 12-7 (yes only 7 hours when she normally sleeps around 11) and was so tired Sunday. Well let me tell you...she did not even nap. Not for 1 minute. Carrie has NEVER skipped a nap in her life. She usually loves to sleep. Loves it. That is why this was all so jarring for me! So you can imagine what fun Sunday afternoon was. There were definitely more tears shed. Sunday night she fell asleep at 7 before I even finished singing to her, but she only slept until 4 and would not go back to sleep. So Monday morning on the minute the doctor's office opened, I was on the phone with them. They told me they wanted to see her to do a physical exam...apprarently just to check her ears and her molars, but of course, from being pregnant and sleep deprived, this made me burst into tears because I was imagining something terrible wrong with her. Graham's mom came in town that morning and right when she saw me I burst into tears. I was a total wreck. So after yet another day with no nap, we took Carrie to see the doctor. I think all of us were hoping for an ear infection at this point...that sounds awful, but it was such a simple solution. But no such luck. Dr. Long told me that around 2 or 3, toddlers sleep patterns can change and that this is not abnormal. Maybe having such a stubborn child made it more extreme, but that this was not something we could not fix. He said I needed to re sleep train her and that it could take a couple days up to a couple weeks. He prefers the Ferber method which for those of you who are unfamiliar with this means that I was to put her down for bed awake, leave the room, let her cry for 5 minutes then walk in and without touching her or rocking her, tell her it is time to go to bed, that I love her and that I am here. Then increase the time to 10 minutes and then to 15 minute intervals the first night. The point being that she feels secure that I am there, but knows crying will get her nothing from me...no rocking, no back rubbing or singing...nothing. So the first night went like this. I put her down at 7 and she fell asleep before I even left the room...probably actually not good because still not learning to fall asleep on her own again. She was awake at 1130 and then the battle began. I took night 1 because she was clingy to me at this time. So I went in at 5 minutes, at 10 minutes and then every 15 minutes for the next 2 hours. She would NOT give up. But then she started crying less, but still just standing in her crib refusing to lay down because she knew she would fall asleep and she is too stubborn to go down that easily. So I was getting little 15 or 20 minute naps in and then having to go in there. But at 4:30 (yes 5 hours after waking up) she laid down. It was amazing. I had won. She fell asleep. And I got back in bed. Until she woke up at 7...yes, still 7...no later. Amazing. Tuesday she again took NO nap. Cried for an hour and then sat/stood and sang for an hour. By Tuesday afternoon, she had lost her personality as you can imagine. As had I. I hated how much anger I had. I do not like being angry with her and am not used to feeling that way. But no matter how long it took, I was going to win even if it meant spending 2 weeks at home every night strictly following a routine and being the one to put her down. Getting her to sleep again would be worth it. So Tuesday night I put her down at 7 and left before she could fall asleep. She put up a fight until about 8 and then was out. I was pleasantly surprised to not hear a peep from her until 5:45. I know that is really early, but it was almost 10 hours of sleep. It was progress. It was hope. Unfortunately, she still woke up crying instead of how she normally wakes up which is just stirring and talking to her stuffed animals etc until we come and get her. But I was not about to fight her at 5:45 so we just went ahead and got her up. I felt so much better. A pretty good night's sleep for us both. And guess what...Wednesday she took a nap!!! After 3 days of refusing to nap, the doctor was right...she was going to nap again!! She cried off and on for about 30 minutes and then laid down and slept 2 hours. I was almost dancing I was so happy. And last night was not perfect, but it was more progress yet. Graham left her room at 7:30 and she fought it until 9 and then fell asleep. At 3:30 I heard her crying, but in the 10 seconds it took me to roll over and reach the monitor (yes at 32 weeks it takes a full 10 seconds to roll over) she was quiet. She was sitting up with her paci in her mouth and she sat there quietly for a while and then put herself back sleep! YAY! She was able to soothe herself again! A small victory!!! And when she woke up at 6:30 this morning, she did not cry a bit. I heard her stirring and she was just laying down with her paci and blankie waiting patiently for us. Halleluia!!! More progress! And as I write this post, she is again napping. I left her room at 12:25. She cried for 3 minutes then laid down and talked for 2 minutes and then fell asleep at 12:30. I feel like we are really almost back. I am still buckling down for another week and keeping her to a strict routine that involve only mom and dad at bed time, but that is just to continue to reinforce good habits and security. I have always said what Carrie has always been good about it sleeping so when that changed, it totally rocked my world. I am so thankful that my Mother in Law was here to talk to me while Carrie cried through naps and to take Carrie off my hands some while I rested. And she left last night at the point when things were looking up and my sanity was returning. I am also so thankful for a sweet husband and parents who talked me off the ledge several times. This parenting thing is not always easy and fun! I think I had gotten spoiled and felt like 1 child was a breeze and this was the Lord's way of saying don't get too comfortable, you are going to need your patience again really soon so let's work on it a little bit! The love of a child is an amazing thing. Somehow Carrie and I survived this without me yelling at her or punishing her and for that I am thankful because I was very close a few times! So glad to seemingly be getting back to normal (don't wanna jinx myself) and appreciating my rest more than ever! Glad I have a little more time before Hayes gets here to get everything back to normal and everyone rested because sleepless nights will return with her arrival! I hope this is not something I have to go through again, but I am glad I know what to do if it does! "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." Hopefully so.