The Birds...

I am the girl in this picture below...read on and you will know why...

Okay so the movie The Birds has always scared me to death. If you haven't seen it, there is just no need to watch it. The reason is, who wants to be scared of birds when you are surrounded by them all the time? I didn't, but then I saw the movie and now I am. I mean if a bird flies low over my head, I will practically fall down because I am afraid it is going to, I don't know, run into me? run its nappy claws through my hair? bite me? I don't know, but it is scary.

However, nothing, I mean NOTHING could have prepared me for the birds I am now facing. These birds go by the lovely name of Turkey Vultures. Yep, pretty hideous sounding, pretty hideous looking. I mean are turkeys cute? nope! Are vultures cute? Heck no! So mix 2 nasty ugly birds and drop them off at my house. Or my neighbors house I should say. You see, these nasty creatures built a nest next door. They did this in March and occasionally you would see them fly overhead, no big deal. But you know what? In mating season, it is a big deal! They no longer want their nest, but let's just say they still use it as a homebase so they NEVER leave this general area. And they are big. And did I mention nasty?? Okay, so they have really decided they like to hang out at our house and the neighbor's on the other side of our house. Yep, I mean hang out. Like, as in, sit perched on low tree branches and stare down at us. It is like probably the eeriest thing I have ever seen. And they have regular feathered bodies, but then these nasty scaly turkey like heads. And are bigger than owls I would say. So when they look at you, you aren't sure if they might not just sweep down and eat you. whole. And not just eat me, but you know, Tilly is a runt...at a mere 40 lbs, they may be able to take her...jury is still out on this, but if she is gone one day, I will know who is guilty. I am not kidding, I was talking with my neighbor, Cheryl, the other day and we got into a conversation about our lovely guests and during this conversation, they both proceeded to land on the SAME branch right above us. Like they knew we were talking about them. And Cheryl said "I mean, they are looking right at me. Like, I mean, there is eye contact." And there was! They are creeeeeeepy! So I thought all that was bad, but then it got worse. Yep, it did.

Graham left town Friday afternoon for a Bachelor Party so before going to dinner with Keats that night, I was sitting on my couch, reading, minding my own business when I was startled to hear what sounded like children running around in my attic. I mean load, running footsteps. I am not scared of being home alone, but at that moment, I was like ummm, what the heck is that?! Even my dogs ears were perked up. And the next sound I heard sounded like Santa was falling down, no, make that crashing down our chimney. I thought "the birds!" so I ran outside and yep! One was perched up on our aluminum chimney top. That is why the chimney made such a loud noise. And as for the running, when they were landing on the roof, they are so darn big they land and like run to a stop. So, this went on for the next hour. I mean running, chimney crashing and the like. And the worst part is, the roof over our den is flat and it is a 1 story house so when you go outside and they fly off the roof, it is only like 10 feet overhead and let me tell you, when you are watering a plant by the house and one of them takes off right over your head with their 3 foot wingspan, it can cause cardiac arrest. I know because I almost had it. Not to mention how loud it was to listen to their flapping. And your whole body is basically in a shadow momentarily while the nappy beasts move on.

So, I thought it only necessary to show a couple pictures I was brave enough to take before bolting into the house. I mean, basically, I risked my life for these pictures and they really don't even do these birds justice. It makes them look almost small, but don't be deceived...small they are not. And if you don't think this is eerie and creepy and nappy and all the rest, please give me your address because I will be happy to build them a nest there with my own 2 hands and show them on a map where they are to move to for a fancy new nest.